~~Monday, May 31, 2004~~

Maybe if I listen to static long enough I'll finally hear something that makes sense
Maybe if I go against the grain I'll finally start to fit in
And maybe
just maybe
if I run fast enough you'll catch me

~~Thursday, May 27, 2004~~

Too long had he felt his mother earth tremble and shake
for too fortunate he had been to be sacrificed as one of he survivors
The Great War, they had whispered among hushed, awed voice hidden behind dry newspapers and lacy hankeerchiefs
Now, he, a boy lay amidst this great glory and did not find its glory to be so grand
Boys who had made him yell uncle in sunny pastures just mere months ago now screamed in a real, unfiltered torment
Limbs severed, the constant stink of rotting flesh
Dirty, tattered clothes and courage was all that remained of his battalion
He lay in a crumbling foxhole
Dark and as morbid as the tomb he was sure to occupy soon
Smoke-soaked, light blonde hair fell into his eyes
Pushing it aside he remembered his mother suddenly and the tears fell down quiety from his clear sky eyes
His mother's soft warm image caused him to shake and sob uncontrollaby
Bringing his knees up to his chin he wrapped his arms around himself as they sky above darkened and more and more dirt fell in the hole in tremors
Raising his eyes to the now dark sky
He rocked back and forth as though once again a young child back on his family's farm
On the other side of this world, a young man, not much older than our young soldier is given orders to barrage the enemy's barracks with deadly gas bombs
As the murky grey air begins to settle into his little tomb, our soldier feels lethargy creeping into his limbs, as slow and silent as death itself.
One more silen tear and another brave boy has died for his country.

~~Wednesday, May 19, 2004~~

And I'm coming back
Back to when I was much stronger than you
I'm picking up slack
And running towards
Everything you though you could ignore
I've become much stronger
Through all the hits you've dealt
I've picked up that extra adrenaline
That you thought you bottled up and stored away
Now I see your illusions
Now I can see who you really are
And as I'm running past you and yours
I see only blurs
As your try to reach out and stop me
All you grab is air
Thank you
Thank you for making me realize
That I am so much more than this


hmmm a much needed re vamp of the blog always is refreshing, no?


I'm just a girl
Such a little, tiny girl
Sitting on a park bench
Wrapped up in dad's old Harvard Sweatshirt
Eyes dropping tears onto the cement slab
That I sit so quietly on
Passerbys hurry past
Eyes sliding from big department store to the next
Not even noticing me
Suddenly I'm in highschool
Sitting at a desk, one of thirty five in a tiny classroom
A teacher stands up front, eyes cold and hard
Sliding from person to person
Not even noticing me
As I sit here with the same silent tears
And the same old sweatshirt
All my life
I've just wanted to be noticed
All my life
I've just wanted to care



I remember so distinctly being a scared, skinny twelve year old staring back at the dirty mirror in a Macy's dressing room. The glaring light beat down on my stringly hair and gawky limbs. I remember so clearly tugging at a pair of bell bottoms that were too big and not right and watching as a silent tear fell down my freckled cheek. You see, when you're little the world doesn't seem to care at all. I've grown up from that little girl into something more. Last night I sat cross- legged in front of my own mirror in designer jeans and a victoria secrets bra and pushed back a lock of hair. Biting my lip I came to realize that my body may have grown up, my hair may have become more stylish, and my friends increasingly more high profile and abundant, but I am still that little girl. To society I have always been an abberation. You've all tried to pin me down as one teenage experiment but I can't tell you the hours of self pity I have accumulated.I have popular friends, gorgeous amazing boyfriends, wonderful parents and a beautiful home but inside I still am deep within a dimly lit Macy's store, trying so hard to fit in and just be part of the teenage masses. I remember wearing those bell bottoms to the first day of sixth grade, so nervous and hoping just anyone would talk to me. I remember just as well going to first period and tripping in the door to have some 6th grade punk laugh at my shirt and pants and hair. I was gawky yes, but ironically the same boy commented on how pretty I was just last week. To all of you, I've grown into something pretty and funny and strong. TO me, I'm still stuck tugging at a poorly cut shirt and trying so desperately to figure out why you all laugh at me behind my back. When you're little, the world doesn't seem to care. When you're big, you come to the realization it just doesn't. So this is a story, a tale of a little girl who has grown into her body, but has yet to grow up.


sitting here trying to figure out if you have a place for me
i know it's strange for me to be here
that i know you could have so much more
i realize now how lucky i am
i just want to be good for you

i just want to be good for you....


shhhhh
just for one night lets let the night slow down
just for one fateful evening let me place my hand in yours as we watch the summer sun set
quiet down and realize words arent needed as we walk together
as the world goes spinning by
come rest your head on my shoulder and we can watch the fireflys
wrap your arms around me and tell me you love me
just as the moon rises into it's final resting spot
the sun may be jealous, but the moon will be the final witness of our last days together

~~Sunday, May 16, 2004~~

Friends!
He said so gallantly
Hands sweeping up the air and turning it to gold
Welcome to my Oasis!
His teeth grinned and his eyes winked a cornflower blue
They shuffled their feet uncomfortably and looked around
Convicts, murderers and and rapists stood huddled in a group
Scarred, tattoed, dirty bodies stood awkwardly in formation
My brothers!
He called out in his starched, tailored suit
Do not fear, for I have saved you!
His coal black shoes shone silently like two patient puppies
Sitting by their master's sides
The men relaxed a little, one tittered softly, another lightly chucked his neighbor's shoulder and they looked at their surroundings in awe
Welcome!
His voice softened and his brillant twinkling eyes danced
Embrace your new home
His tanned long fingers parted and raised towards the heavens
The men by this time were laughing and smiling, one had taken off his cap and flung it gallantly into the air
My father!
Sang one of the men to all the others
I see my faith in God has paid off!
He crowed to a particularly violent serial killer next to him
The man in front of them grew agitated at this outburst
The shiny new shoes clicked and tapped on the ground
You realize you're dead then, all of you
He said, eyeing them cautiously
This is most unfortunate...
His hands wrung and twisted the beautifully crafted browned fingers
The men slowed their dancing and came to a halt, once again in the awkward configuration that they had begun in
A brave soul, a young rapist, stepped towards their savior eyes full of trust and hope
We've come to serve God
he said in a small voice
I can speak for my brothers when I say we know we've made mistakes but...
Silence!
Savior's voice grew sharp and tense, cutting through his gold polished air and dulling the shine of his eyes
As I said before, I've rescued you!
He grew excited, hands twisted more, sweat appearing on his brow
You will not have to have faith in God any longer my sons!
For I am your new savior!
The assasins, slayers, killers and pain inducers of the world began to tremble in fear
Their spokeman, a young man who had silenced the woman who had said no, now walked towards Savior once again
Where are we father?
He asked submissively, eyes downcast and cap in hands
Savior's eyes flashed, now as jet as the tailored suit
Well don't you know boys?
His voice was no longer welcoming, but sarcastic and cruel
Oasis, Oasis!
He said, maniac laughter bouncing off the walls
The young man tried once again
Please, father- are we in limbo? Is our fate decided yet?
His eyes seemed hopefull as though he thought he had a chance
Father looked down upon the men and began to chuckle softly
Your fate, little soldiers is already done
His hands, long and tan pointed downwards
From here, we only go down and down, deeper and deeper
The men began to tremble, fear began to pump into their hearts
His million dollar suit seemed to gleam importance
Normally I don't come up here for just anyone, but for a group of men as important as yourselves...
His smile grew large, his eyes grew a dull film over the brillance
How silly of me, I have yet to fully introduce myself
He stood tall and made a most gallant bow to his subjects
I am The Devil, and this, gentlemen is Hell....enjoy your stay.




What it is to cry
what pains have we reached in our lives
To show this brushing of weakness
to the pillars of society
That seem so strong and brutal
They're made of stone and are never to be broken
What makes a weaker man weep upon his eminent death
when fate has already played a steady hand
Such a subtle way of expression
such a gentle thrill released through sorrow
Sorrow, oh what a fitting word to describe these tears
sorrow has been a dark shadow, hidden but always in attendance
To the men and women who are the supports and backbones of this society
to the shoulders who have felt such a heavy burden to keep us all normal
and unassuming
Your tears are dammed, hushed and dried
your tears are the water we use to quell our starving minds
a silent toast, watch as we raise our glasses
to you, my silent friend who writhes in unvoiced agony
a toast to your pain, a toast to our gain

~~Tuesday, May 11, 2004~~

i've got too much life
runnin in my veins
going to waste
won't you take some of this
take a little time out of that plastic life
cut me up and leave me broken
take a piece of me home and at least love some of me
i've got too much life
runnin in my viens
won't you take that blackened knife you call affection
and slice through my heart
black and cold as your weapon of choice

~~Thursday, May 06, 2004~~

Cant think of a title- something like "dr. seuss on depressants?"

something from deep inside my head
fills my heart with a resonating dread
whispered rumors form into whispered tales
they take shape and substance and float upon gales
softly they drop atop my shoulder
tiny but deadly, as they sit each a boulder
their songs lick my ears and prob in my morals
the yarns tell of stories, of old and new quarells
they leave my heart blackened,
my soul feeling week
for they have left our outcome love, as very near bleak

"To prepare a face to meet the faces you will meet"
- e. e. cummings

[x] Mazie's Blog
[x] Hatter's Blog

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